how to find joy just kidding
by TheFlamingTree
Summary: Mela is suffering. She desperately needs a miracle, but miracles have gone extinct, what would she do now?
1. Chapter 1

Sanity... what and awful word, it describes everything I am not, pleasant, attractive, nice, are also some others. it will take too long to write all of it, so I will just end at that. cause I don't, then this book will turn into a series. I am Mela, I live in Kerenza, a small and dull town on the edge of a big island, I write a blog, called star soul. I love sports and video games, which are both for boys ( according to my parents ), I'm short because I think too much at night, and I cry until I fall asleep I am adopted. I am lonely, the only people that I trust are god and my friends, so as you may know... life is NOT going well for me. it is December 15, I trudge through the thick, fluffy snow, it feels warm, the snow feels warm, I don't think it's the snow, it probably just me, cause I've been walking through the snow for 2 hours, and I am numb from head to toe. My parents are in Hawaii, enjoying the sun, warm weather, and ukulele music, while I'm just here freezing to death. my nose starts bleeding. the warm sticky blood runs down my face. "hey look guys! Mela has blood all over her! oh no! did she murder someone? oh, I hope not! that's why shes always alone!" Brittney shouted from her dumb looking convertible. without thinking, I chuck a brick straight at her face, she blacks out immediately. Brittney"s brainwashed demons run away, screaming like little girls. I hope she not dead, no, she's better dead then alive. 


	2. Chapter 2

After hitting Brittney in the face with a brick, I don't feel bad at all, it was all a blur, i don't remember what exactly happened that day, only a slight shadow remains, that day I was walking to school, I saw some people in a car driving towards me, I think it was Brittany and some other people, then I picked up a brick and chucked it in her direction, then everything went black.

I wake up from my slumber-like state and find myself in a hospital bed,I don't remember anything now, I can only feel pain, and a harsh pounding sound inside my head, then I hear it, clicking, there is clicking inside my head, it sounds like gears and contraptions in a factory, in a clock. what happened to me?

"Mela Rae, you have some visitors." the nurse said. then the 2 people come in.

"Mela are you ok?" it was Kit and Cora, my two best friends.

"Yes, I think I'm ok, just a little bruised that's all," I reply weakly surprised by how raspy my voice is.

"You are NOT okay, do you know what happened? hitting yourself with a brick is not okay, you had to get surgery and replace a part of your brain with gears and wires." Kit explained, convinced that I was severely ill

which part of me is mechanical?

" we replaced parts of the frontal lobe of the brain, so expect some memory loss." The nurse answered. well, at least I didn't die. at least I have emotions and senses, I smell the pillow, it smells like hand sanitizer,

i taste the chocolate placed in my hand. i hear the beeping of the hospital machines, I see the hospital, I touch my hands, I

can't feel them.


	3. Chapter 3

Kit was talking about Mela a few days ago. My short term memory loss is getting worse and worse every day, so far I have forgotten my name, where i live or what I learned at school, My doctor tells me to take pills and wait until they find a way to restore my memory. So now I go to school but i don't go for class, i just wonder the halls trying to look for things that might bring up any memories.

the lunch bell rings.

"Hey Mela, Look, remember this? I think we found your house" someone said,pointing towards the garbage bin, she said it loud enough for everyone in the halls to gather in a circle around us.

"Back off Kit, she has enough pressure, with her memory loss and everything." it was Cora, it was good to know that someone is still by my side.

"Oh really? guess you people don't know the secret yet, Mela is a liar"

how could she say that when she witnessed the entire incident and still says I'm lying? but that's not all she had to say...

"Mela is faking it, she doesn't really have an issue with lost memories, she is faking it all." Kit continued, then there is a wave of gasps and whispers from everyone.

"Kit, you can't say something without evidence, and by the way, she doesn't have any reason to fake it."

"Oh But she does, she has a lot of reasons, for example, attention, popularity, drama, and that's just a few of them." Kit continues, lies flow out of her mouth endlessly

"That's not..." and just as Cora was about to say something, Kit stopped her.

"Stop right there Cora, I know what you are going to say. you were going to say I have no evidence what so ever, well I do, I know all this...


	4. Chapter 4

about 5 seconds later, the hallway was in complete chaos...

people were screaming, yelling, and punching and kicking, everything was a mess, this wouldn't have happened if I was normal, this wouldn't have happened if I wasn't so insane, this wouldn't have happened if I was more careful, this wouldn't have happened if I wasn't ME.

suddenly I hear sirens, police sirens, my feet turn to boulders, my arms turn into to clay, uncontrollable tears swell in my eyes, scorching tears run down my face, i can only hear my breathing and my heart pounding, like a horrid monster trying to burst out of its cage.

I try to hide but I can't move, I try to call for help but I can't speak, I have made one conclusion, I am useless, I am small, I am weak.

I feel arms picking me up from the floor, dragging me and suddenly they stop, they scream at me, words that I can't make out, because I am deafened by my own heart beat. It's time to give up, I tell myself, no one will miss you when you are gone. ugly thoughts fill my mind.

Helpless... ugly…. ungrateful...stupid... useless... Idiot... Pain... Liar...

then everything goes black... AGAIN...


End file.
